someone threw a dead crab at me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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