I want to walk on stilts...naked
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
