That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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