Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
