I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
