K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
