Well apparently he's into motor boating.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
