Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
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