So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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