you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
