My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
