Porn is love you can see.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
