I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
