Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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