I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
