i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
