Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
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This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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