I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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