You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Semen is not good for contacts.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
