the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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