Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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