my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
