Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
worst night to have a conscience
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
