okay pat passed out under dana's car
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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