it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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