I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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