Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize