I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
