The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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