I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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