just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
