I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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