Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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