I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
