Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
