my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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