My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I need water and some morals
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
