"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
