Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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