My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
