Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Randomize
