Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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