Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
