Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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