the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
