Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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