his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
