We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
