im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
