I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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