Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
