The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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