Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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