just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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