Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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