Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
