I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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