I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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