Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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