I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My vagina is officially offended.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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