last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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