Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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