I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is Oprah even human
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
