I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
